Thrown Out in Existence. Fatherlessness: A Personal Narrative

”Lacking a father, one spot in your life is left empty. Elisabeth probably covered that area of mine most of the time, expanding in her maternity, doing the job of two. However, a mother can only cover up for the empty spot—never fill it. I therefore believe that I have more existential space to fill with whatever I want. It is like having a huge, unfurnished room in your apartment, which for all of your friends came fully furnished, labeled, its purpose of use clearly designated, never to question.”

Den här essän skrev jag när jag läste engelska vid Santa Clara University hösten 2008. Mycket har hänt sedan dess. Jag anar vid omläsningen en subtilt martyrlik ton som i dag tycks mig fjärran (essän skrevs i en livskris), men texten känns fortfarande läsvärd, även om min engelska ännu inte hade börjat blomstra; det var ju min första termin i USA. Jag har ändrat namnen på alla personer som omnämns. För att läsa essän, klicka på länken nedan.

Thrown Out in Existence

English Introduction:

I wrote this essay while taking English I at Santa Clara University, CA, in the fall of 2008. As I re-read it, I sense a subtle bitterness bordering on martyrdom which feels quite distant to me today. However, the text should still be enjoyable for the average reader, I hope. My English proficiency had not started to flourish yet, as I had just arrived in CA, but the language is clear and easy to follow. Please note that all persons mentioned in the text have had their names altered. To read the essay, click the link below.

Thrown Out in Existence

4 reaktioner till “Thrown Out in Existence. Fatherlessness: A Personal Narrative

  1. Thank you for sharing this. A nice insight into such a formative part of your experience. It is clear and well written, I especially for being about such a personal topic. <3

  2. Thanks, Isis. I am amazed you found your way to my blog in time for this post–my posts in English are very rare. I might upload more essays now that I have at least one American reader!

  3. Yes. I have been ”reading” through your blog – although my thin understanding of Swedish + Google Translate leaves something to be desired when it comes to poetic voice. But I still enjoy the sentiment.

  4. Ha ha, that would make for some post modern poetry: have Google ”translate” a Swedish poet blogger’s texts and see what comes out. The results must be very random! It is indeed warming that you made the endeavor, anyway.

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